Two Straight Lines

Mr. Speaker, I ask for unanimous consent to revise and extend my remarks in the Congressional Record.

Without objection, so ordered.

Thank you, Mr. Speaker.  Now I’ve come to the floor of this body not to dispute or politely disagree with a particular point that has come to my attention.  I have come to scorn.  I have come to ridicule.  I have come to mock.  Because I believe, Mr. Speaker, that it is only through these less genteel and more direct forms of speech that I can make my point as clearly as possible.

If you look at the graphic behind me, you’ll see two lines.  Two straight lines.  Both of them have arrows on either end.  One has arrows that point away from the line. Here you see, Mr. Speaker, the arrows pointing away, touching the line here at the crotch of the arrow.   And the other line has arrows that point towards the line.  There, you see, Mr. Speaker, the tip of the arrows touch the ends of the line here.

Now, Mr. Speaker, you can see and I can see that these are two straight, parallel lines. And we can also see, Mr. Speaker, that the bottom line, with the arrows pointing inwards, is clearly longer than the top line, with the arrows point outwards.  You can see this, Mr. Speaker, and I can see it.  It’s as plain as day.  But there are some so-called “learned” people, people with fancy degrees and letters behind their names — “geniuses” I guess we’ll call them — who, for reasons of their own, will try to tell you that these two straight lines are in fact of the same exact length.  They are homogeneous lines, they’ll try to tell you.  The lines are homogeneous.

Well, I may not be a genius, Mr. Speaker, but I can tell you that there is nothing “homo” about these two straight lines whatsoever.  Look at them again.  The top line is smaller than the bottom line.  Period.  End of discussion.  That is what my God-given eyes see, Mr. Speaker, and by God, that is good enough for me.

Now the homogeneous people will try to tell you, well, it’s an illusion.  Just use a ruler and measure the lines, and you’ll see that they are, in fact, the same.  As we have come to see time and time again, Mr. Speaker, the homogeneous sect will always fall back on “science” to legitimize themselves.  The world is heating up!  It’s science.  Evolution is fact!  Dinosaurs roamed the earth before man!  It’s science.  These lines are homogeneous!  It’s science. It’s natural.  They were created that way, they say.

I cry foul, Mr. Speaker!  I cry foul!  I can see no clear way to measure these lines accurately with any ruler that I am aware of.  What is the reference point, Mr. Speaker?  Do you measure from arrow tip to arrow tip?  Do you measure from arrow crotch to arrow crotch?  Do you start deep in the crotch of at one end, measure along the long, straight shaft of the line and stop at the very tip at the other end?  Or vice versa?  Who’s to say, Mr. Speaker?  With all this confusion, then, how are we to accurately — or “scientifically,” a word many in the homogeneous sect like to bandy about — how are we to measure these two straight lines?  You can’t!  You cannot. But the homogenous crowd will tell you that it is possible and that when you do, you’ll see that each of these two straight lines are the same.

Well, Mr. Speaker, I am here to say that I am tired of all this fancy science stuff.  It is a smoke screen, Mr. Speaker.  It is a smoke screen used by certain segments of our population to further their own political agendas, to the detriment of our society and its basic, fundamental values.  As I stated, my God-given eyes see two straight lines that are of different lengths.  I will thus accept that conclusion as a matter of faith and not be fooled by the “illusion.”  Maybe it is time, Mr. Speaker, at long last, maybe it is time that we stop kowtowing to the so-called homogeneous and start following our core, heterogeneous values in our day-to-day lives.  And it may not be politically correct to say, Mr. Speaker — as I said at the offset, I am being blunt and direct — but I believe that in the end, if we practice more heterogeneous ways, we will keep our society on the straight and narrow, as straight as these two lines, where it duly belongs.

I yield back the balance of my time.

© 2011, gar. All rights reserved.

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